Tricks!

I love playing tricks on C. When I was growing up we would hide at the top of the stairs and jump out at the poor, unsuspecting person that was just trying to go to their bedroom. C doesn't appreciate it when I sneak into his apartment and bound into the study where he's trying to concentrate. As fun as this is for me, it is not fun for him, so I have been forced to find other ways to trick him.

First, I started hiding. I hide while he's in the shower. So he knows I'm there, just not where. I once buried myself under a down blanket in July at the bottom of his closet. Only to wait there, curled up for 25 minutes. Another time I went out on the balcony on a cold March morning wrapped only in a bed sheet. Usually I hide in closets, or under the kitchen table. On one lazy morning I decided to hide right as the bathroom door was opening and just hurled myself onto the floor on the other side of the bed. He stood right next to me while looking for me in the closet. I lay there frozen and shaking with laughter until he circled back around and found me 5 minutes later.

These cats are my greatest and favorite trick. I find the ads hilarious. At first I would just tear them out, fold them up and hand them to him whenever I stumbled across one. He would take the paper, shake his head, unfold it and say, "Why??" It was when he started refusing to take them from me that I realized I needed to up my game.

That's when I started sneaking them into his pockets. It is very convenient to date an unobservant man when trying to put things in his pockets. First, you must get him to stand up. Maybe ask him to help you with something in the kitchen. Getting him off of the sofa is the hardest part. After this it's a piece of cake. Next, you kiss him. Get a little grabby, this serves as a distraction for what is about to come. The final step is carefully slipping the folded ad from your pocket and into his. The front pockets are a little more advanced, but it takes less time to discover the plant. When you put it in the back pocket he can't hear/feel the crinkling as easily and it may take some time to discover. A quick discovery is key. You want him to realize that he's been had.

Lately, though, even the concealed cat ad is starting to lose its pizzazz. That's when I discovered it online. I held this knowledge in my pocket and waited for the perfect opportunity to strike. The other night C went up to the corner market and I knew this was my chance. I googled the image as quickly as his creaky old computer could google, right clicked and chose 'Set as Background.' The computer was just shutting down as he arrived home. I was giddy all night imagining him starting his computer in the morning, getting his cup of coffee and coming back to the black and white cat as his wallpaper.

The key to a trick is finding something that can keep you guessing. I never hide in the same place two times in a row. I try to come up with new, clever twists. Don't use all of your tricks at once. Spread them out and save them. And most importantly, only do things that make both of you laugh. Get out there kids. Trick each other.